Jumat, 07 Januari 2011

A Fantasy

When the Ambassador or Escalopia returned home for lunch, his wife got a shock. He looked pale and his clothes were in a frightful state.
      'What has happened?' she asked. 'How did your clothes get into such a mess?'
      'A fire extinguisher, my dear,' answered the Ambassador drily. 'University students set the Embassy on fire this morning.'
      'Good heavens!' exclaimed his wife. 'And where were you at the time?'
      'I was in my office as usual,' answered the Ambassador. 'The fire broke out in the basement. I went down immediately, of course, and that fool, Horst, aimed a fire extinguisher at me. He thought I was on fire. I must definitely get that fellow posted.'
      The Ambassador's wife went on asking questions, when she suddenly noticed a big hole in her husband's hat.
  'And how can you explain that?' she asked.
      'Oh, that,' said the Ambassador. 'Someone fired a shot through my office window. Accurate, don't you think? Fortunately, I wasn't wearing it at the time. If I had been, I would not have been able to get home for lunch.'

Future Champions

Experiments have proved that children can be instructed in swimming at a very early age. At a special swimming pool in Los Angeles, children become expert at holding their breath under water even before they can walk. Babies of two months old do not appear to be reluctant to enter the water. It is not long before they are so accustomed to swimming that they can pick up weights from the floor of the pool. A game that is very popular with these young swimmers is the underwater tricycle race. Tricycles are lined up on the floor of the pool seven feet under water. The children compete against each other to reach the other end of the pool. Many pedal their tricycles, but most of them prefer to push or drag them. Some children can cover the whole length of the pool without coming up for breath even once. Whether they will ever become future Olympic champions, only time will tell. Meanwhile, they should encourage those among us who cannot swim five yards before they are gasping for air.

A Noble Gift

One of the most famous monuments in the world, the Statue of Liberty, was presented to the United States of America in the nineteenth century by the people of France. The great statue, which was designed by the sculptor Auguste Bartholdi, took ten years to complete. The actual figure was made of copper supported by a metal framework which had been especially constructed by Eiffel. Before it could be transported to the United States, a site had to be found for it and a pedestal had to be built. The site chosen was an island at the entrance of New York Harbour. By 1884, a statue which was 151 feet tall had been erected in Paris. The following year, it was taken to pieces and sent to America. By the end of October 1886, the statue had been put together again and it was officially presented to the American people by Bartholdi. Ever since then, the great monument has been a symbol of liberty for the millions of people who have passed through New York Harbour to make their homes in America.



Asking for Trouble

Why did the policeman ask the writer to come to the police station?     It must have been about two in the morning when I returned home. I tried to wake up my wife by ringing the doorbell, but she was fast asleep, so I got a ladder from the shed in the garden, put it against the wall, and began climbing towards the bedroom window. I was almost there when a sarcastic voice below said, 'I don't think the windows need cleaning at this time of the night.' I looked down and nearly fell off the ladder when I saw a policeman. I immediately regretted answering in the way I did, but I said, 'I enjoy cleaning windows at night.'
    'So do I,' answered the policeman in the same tone. 'Excuse my interrupting you. I hate to interrupt a man when he's busy working, but would you mind coming with me to the station?'
    'Well, I'd prefer to stay here,' I said. 'You see. I've forgotten my key.'
    'Your what?' he called.
    'My key,' I shouted.
   Fortunately, the shouting woke up my wife who opened the window just as the policeman had started to climb towards me.

Three Men in a Basket

A pilot noticed a balloon which seemed to be making for a Royal Air Force Station nearby. He informed the station at once, but no one there was able to explain the mystery. The officer in the control tower was very angry when he heard the news, because balloons can be a great danger to aircraft. He said that someone might be spying on the station and the pilot was ordered to keep track of the strange object. The pilot managed to circle the balloon for some time. He could make out three men in a basket under it and one of them was holding a pair of binoculars. When the balloon was over the station, the pilot saw one of the men taking photographs. Soon afterwards, the balloon began to descend and it landed near an airfield. The police were called in, but they could not arrest anyone, for the basket contained two Members of Parliament and the Commanding Officer of the station! As the Commanding Officer explained later, one half of the station did not know what the other half was doing!

What's for Supper?

Fish and chips has always been a favourite dish in Britain, but as the oceans have been overfished, fish has become more and more expensive. So it comes as a surprise to learn that giant fish are terrifying the divers on North Sea oil rigs. Oil rigs have to be repaired frequently and divers, who often have to work in darkness a hundred feet under water, have been frightened out of their wits by giant fish bumping into them as they work. Now they have had special cages made to protect them from these monsters. The fish are not sharks or killer whales, but favourite eating varieties like cod and skate which grow to unnatural sizes, sometimes as much as twelve feet in length. Three factors have caused these fish to grow so large: the warm water round the hot oil pipes under the sea; the plentiful supply of food thrown overboard by the crews on the rigs; the total absence of fishing boats around the oil rigs. As a result, the fish just eat and eat and grow and grow in the lovely warm water. Who eats who?

A Perfect Alibi

  'At the time the murder was committed, I was travelling on the 8 o'clock train to London,' said the man.
      'Do you always catch such an early train?' asked the inspector.
      'Of course I do,' answered the man. 'I must be at work at 10 o'clock. My employer will confirm that I was there on time.'
      'Would a later train get you to work on time?' asked the inspector.
      'I suppose it would, but I never catch a later train.'
      'At what time did you arrive at the station?'
      'At ten to eight. I bought a paper and waited for the train.'
      'And you didn't notice anything unusual?'
      'Of course not.'
'I suggest,' said the inspector, 'that you are not telling the truth. I suggest that you did not catch the 8 o'clock train, but that you caught the 8.25 which would still get you to work on time. You see, on the morning of the murder, the 8 o'clock train did not run at all. It broke down at Ferngreen station and was taken off the line.'

Out of Control

As the man tried to swing the speedboat round, the steering wheel came away in his hands. He waved desperately to his companion, who had been water skiing for the last fifteen minutes. Both men had hardly had time to realize what was happening when they were thrown violently into the sea. The speedboat had struck a buoy, but it continued to move very quickly across the water. Both men had just begun to swim towards the shore, when they noticed with dismay that the speedboat was moving in a circle. It now came straight towards them at tremendous speed. In less than a minute, it roared past them only a few feet away. After it had passed, they swam on as quickly as they could because they knew that the boat would soon return. They had just had enough time to swim out of danger when the boat again completed a circle. On this occasion, however, it had slowed down considerably. The petrol had nearly all been used up. Before long, the noise dropped completely and the boat began to drift gently across the water.

Never too old to learn

I have just received a letter from my old school, informing me that my former headmaster, Mr. Stuart Page, will be retiring next week. Pupils of the school, old and new, will be sending him a present to mark the occasion. All those who have contributed towards the gift will sign their names in a large album which will be sent to the headmaster's home. We shall all remember Mr. Page for his patience and understanding and for the kindly encouragement he gave us when we went so unwillingly to school. A great many former pupils will be attending a farewell dinner in his honour next Thursday. It is a curious coincidence that the day before his retirement, Mr. Page will have been teaching for a total of forty years. After he has retired, he will devote himself to gardening. For him, this will be an entirely new hobby. But this does not matter, for, as he has often remarked, one is never too old to learn.

On strike





Busmen have decided to go on strike next week. The strike is due to begin on Tuesday. No one knows how long it will last. The busmen have stated that the strike will continue until general agreement is reached about pay and working conditions. Most people believe that the strike will last for at least a week. Many owners of private cars are going to offer 'free rides' to people on their way to work. This will relieve pressure on the trains to some extent. Meanwhile, a number of university students have volunteered to drive buses while the strike lasts. All the students are expert drivers, but before they drive any of the buses, they will have to pass a special test. The students are going to take the test in two days' time. Even so, people are going to find it difficult to get to work. But so far, the public has expressed its gratitude to the students in letters to the Press. Only one or two people have objected that the students will drive too fast!

After the election

The former Prime Minister, Mr. Wentworth Lane, was defeated in the recent elections. He is now retiring from political life and has gone abroad. My friend, Patrick, has always been a fanatical opponent of Mr. Lane's Radical Progressive Party. After the elections, Patrick went to the former Prime Minister's house. When he asked if Mr. Lane lived there, the policeman on duty told him that since his defeat, the ex-Prime Minister had gone abroad. On the following day, Patrick went to the house again. The same policeman was just walking slowly past the entrance, when Patrick asked the same question. Though a little suspicious this time, the policeman gave him the same answer. The day after, Patrick went to the house once more and asked exactly the same question. This time, the policeman lost his temper. 'I told you yesterday and the day before yesterday,' he shouted, 'Mr. Lane was defeated in the elections. He has retired from political life and gone to live abroad!"
   'I know,' answered Patrick, 'but I love to hear you say it!'

Monster or fish?

Fishermen and sailors sometimes claim to have seen monsters in the sea. Though people have often laughed at stories told by seamen, it is now known that many of these 'monsters' which have at times been sighted are simply strange fish. Occasionally, unusual creatures are washed to the shore, but they are rarely caught out at sea. Some time ago, however, a peculiar fish was caught near Madagascar. A small fishing boat was carried miles out to sea by the powerful fish as it pulled on the line. Realizing that this was no ordinary fish, the fisherman made every effort not to damage it in any way. When it was eventually brought to shore, it was found to be over thirteen feet long. It had a head like a horse, big blue eyes, shining silver skin, and a bright red tail. The fish, which has since been sent to a museum where it is being examined by a scientist, is called an oarfish. Such creatures have rarely been seen alive by man as they live at a depth of six hundred feet.

Escape

When he had killed the guard, the prisoner of war quickly dragged him into the bushes. Working rapidly in the darkness, he soon changed into the dead man's clothes. Now, dressed in a blue uniform and with a rifle over his shoulder, the prisoner marched boldly up and down in front of the camp. He could hear shouting in the camp itself. Lights were blazing and men were running here and there: they had just discovered that a prisoner had escaped. At that moment, a large black car with four officers inside it, stopped at the camp gates. The officers got out and the prisoner stood to attention and saluted as they passed. When they had gone, the driver of the car came towards him. The man obviously wanted to talk. He was rather elderly with grey hair and clear blue eyes. The prisoner felt sorry for him, but there was nothing else he could do. As the man came near, the prisoner knocked him to the ground with a sharp blow. Then, jumping into the car, he drove off as quickly as he could.

The Crystal Palace

Perhaps the most extraordinary building of the nineteeth century was the Crystal Palace, which was built in Hyde Park for the Great Exhibition of 1851. The Crystal Palace was different from all other buildings in the world, for it was made of iron and glass. It was one of the biggest buildings of all time and a lot of people from many countries came to see it. A great many goods were sent to the exhibition from various parts of the world. There was also a great deal of machinery on display. The most wonderful piece of machinery on show was Nasmyth's steam hammer. Though in those days, traveling was not as easy as it is today, steam boats carried thousands of visitors across the Channel from Europe. On arriving in England, they were taken to the Crystal Palace by train. There were six million visitors in all, and the profits from the exhibition were used to build museums and colleges. Later, the Crystal Palace was moved to South London. It remained one of the most famous buildings in the world until it was burnt down in 1936.

By air

I used to travel by air a great deal when I was a boy. My parents used to live in South America and I used to fly there from Europe in the holidays. A flight attendant would take charge of me and I never had an unpleasant experience. I am used to traveling by air and only on one occasion have I ever felt frightened. After taking off, we were flying low over the city and slowly gaining height, when the plane suddenly turned round and flew back to the airport. While we were waiting to land, a flight attendant told us to keep calm and to get off the plane quietly as soon as it had touched down. Everybody on board was worried and we were curious to find out what had happened. Later we learnt that there was a very important person on board. The police had been told that a bomb had been planted on the plane. After we had landed, the plane was searched thoroughly. Fortunately, nothing was found and five hours later we were able to take off again.

The last one?

After reading an article entitled 'Cigarette Smoking and Your Health' I lit a cigarette to calm my nerves. I smoked with concentration and pleasure as I was sure that this would be my last cigarette. For a whole week I did not smoke at all and during this time, my wife suffered terribly. I had all the usual symptoms of someone giving up smoking: a bad temper and an enormous appetite. My friends kept on offering me cigarettes and cigars. They made no effort to hide their amusement whenever I produced a packet of sweets from my pocket. After seven days of this I went to a party. Everybody around me was smoking and I felt extremely uncomfortable. When my old friend Brian urged me to accept a cigarette, it was more than I could bear. I took one guiltily, lit it and smoked with satisfaction. My wife was delighted that things had returned to normal once more. Anyway, as Brian pointed out, it is the easiest thing in the world to give up smoking. He himself has done it lots of times!

A successful operation

The mummy of an Egyptian woman who died in 800 B.C. has just had an operation. The mummy is that of Shepenmut who was once a singer in the Temple of Thebes. As there were strange marks on the X-ray plates taken of the mummy, doctors have been trying to find out whether the woman died of a rare disease. The only way to do this was to operate. The operation, which lasted for over four hours, proved to be very difficult because of the hard resin which covered the skin. The doctors removed a section of the mummy and sent it to a laboratory. They also found something which the X-ray plates did not show: a small wax figure of the god Duamutef. This god which has the head of a cow was normally placed inside a mummy. The doctors have not yet decided how the woman died. They feared that the mummy would fall to pieces when they cut it open, but fortunately this has not happened. The mummy successfully survived the operation.

April Fools' Day

  'To end our special news bulletin,' said the voice of the television announcer, 'we're going over to the macaroni fields of Calabria. Macaroni has been grown in this area for over six hundred years. Two of the leading growers, Giuseppe Moldova and Riccardo Brabante, tell me that they have been expecting a splendid crop this year and harvesting has begun earlier than usual. Here you can see two workers who, between them, have just finished cutting three cartloads of golden brown macaroni stalks. The whole village has been working day and night gathering and threshing this year's crop before the September rains. On the right, you can see Mrs. Brabante herself. She has been helping her husband for thirty years now. Mrs. Brabante is talking to the manager of the local factory where the crop is processed. This last scene shows you what will happen at the end of the harvest: the famous Calabrian macaroni-eating competition! Signor Fratelli, the present champion, has won it every year since 1991. And that ends our special bulletin for today, Thursday, April lst. We're now going back to the studio.'

SOS

  When a light passenger plane flew off course some time ago, it crashed in the mountains and its pilot was killed. The only passengers, a young woman and her two baby daughters, were unhurt. It was the middle of winter. Snow lay thick on the ground. The woman knew that the nearest village was miles away. When it grew dark, she turned a suitcase into a bed and put the children inside it, covering them with all the clothes she could find. During the night, it got terribly cold. The woman kept as near as she could to the children and even tried to get into the case herself, but it was too small. Early next morning, she heard planes passing overhead and wondered how she could send a signal. Then she had an idea. She stamped out the letters 'SOS' in the snow. Fortunately, a pilot saw the signal and sent a message by radio to the nearest town. It was not long before a helicopter arrived on the scene to rescue the survivors of the plane crash.

Out of the limelight

An ancient bus stopped by a dry river bed and a party of famous actors and actresses got off. Dressed in dark glasses and old clothes, they had taken special precautions so that no one should recognize them. But as they soon discovered, disguises can sometimes be too perfect.
    'This is a wonderful place for a picnic,' said Gloria Gleam.
    'It couldn't be better, Gloria,' Brinksley Meers agreed. 'No newspaper men, no film fans! Why don't we come more often?'
    Meanwhile, two other actors, Rockwall Slinger and Merlin Greeves, had carried two large food baskets to a shady spot under some trees. When they had all made themselves comfortable, a stranger appeared. He looked very angry. 'Now you get out of here, all of you!' he shouted. 'I'm sheriff here. Do you see that notice? It says "No Camping" -- in case you can't read!'
    'Look, sheriff,' said Rockwall, 'don't be too hard on us. I'm Rockwall Slinger and this is Merlin Greeves.'
    'Oh, is it?' said the sheriff with a sneer. 'Well, I'm Brinksley Meers, and my other name is Gloria Gleam. Now you get out of here fast!'

The record-holder

Children who play truant from school are unimaginative. A quiet day's fishing, or eight hours in a cinema seeing the same film over and over again, is usually as far as they get. They have all been put to shame by a boy who, while playing truant, travelled 1,600 miles. He hitchhiked to Dover and, towards evening, went into a boat to find somewhere to sleep. When he woke up next morning, he discovered that the boat had, in the meantime, travelled to Calais. No one noticed the boy as he crept off. From there, he hitchhiked to Paris in a lorry. The driver gave him a few biscuits and a cup of coffee and left him just outside the city. The next car the boy stopped did not take him into the centre of Paris as he hoped it would, but to Perpignan on the French-Spanish border. There he was picked up by a policeman and sent back to England by the local authorities. He has surely set up a record for the thousands of children who dream of evading school.

A car called Bluebird

The great racing driver, Sir Malcolm Campbell, was the first man to drive at over 300 miles per hour. He set up a new world record in September 1935 at Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah. Bluebird, the car he was driving, had been specially built for him. It was over 30 feet in length and had a 2,500-horsepower engine. Although Campbell reached a speed of over 304 miles per hour, he had great difficulty in controlling the car because a tyre burst during the first run. After his attempt, Campbell was disappointed to learn that his average speed had been 299 miles per hour. However, a few days later, he was told that a mistake had been made. His average speed had been 301 miles per hour. Since that time, racing drivers have reached speeds over 600 miles an hour. Following in his father's footsteps many years later, Sir Malcolm's son, Donald, also set up a world record. Like his father, he was driving a car called Bluebird.

Kamis, 06 Januari 2011

A famous clock

When you visit London, one of the first things you will see is Big Ben, the famous clock which can be heard all over the world on the B.B.C. If the Houses of Parliament had not been burned down in 1834, the great clock would never have been erected. Big Ben takes its name from Sir Benjamin Hall who was responsible for the making of the clock when the new Houses of Parliament were being built. It is not only of immense size, but is extremely accurate as well. Officials from Greenwich Observatory have the clock checked twice a day. On the B.B.C. you can hear the clock when it is actually striking because microphones are connected to the clock tower. Big Ben has rarely gone wrong. Once, however, it failed to give the correct time. A painter who had been working on the tower hung a pot of paint on one of the hands and slowed it down!

Red for danger

During a bullfight, a drunk suddenly wandered into the middle of the ring. The crowd began to shout, but the drunk was unaware of the danger. The bull was busy with the matador at the time, but it suddenly caught sight of the drunk who was shouting rude remarks and waving a red cap. Apparently sensitive to criticism, the bull forgot all about the matador and charged at the drunk. The crowd suddenly grew quiet. The drunk, however, seemed quite sure of himself. When the bull got close to him, he clumsily stepped aside to let it pass. The crowd broke into cheers and the drunk bowed. By this time, however, three men had come into the ring and they quickly dragged the drunk to safety. Even the bull seemed to feel sorry for him, for it looked on sympathetically until the drunk was out of the way before once more turning its attention to the matador.

But not murder!

I was being tested for a driving licence for the third time. I had been asked to drive in heavy traffic and had done so successfully. After having been instructed to drive out of town, I began to acquire confidence. Sure that I had passed, I was almost beginning to enjoy my test. The examiner must have been pleased with my performance, for he smiled and said. 'Just one more thing, Mr.Eames. Let us suppose that a child suddenly crosses the road in front of you. As soon as I tap on the window, you must stop within five feet.' I continued driving and after some time, the examiner tapped loudly, Though the sound could be heard clearly, it took me a long time to react. I suddenly pressed the brake pedal and we were both thrown forward. The examiner looked at me sadly. 'Mr.Eames,' he said, in a mournful voice, 'you have just killed that child!' New words and expressions

Persistent

I crossed the street to avoid meeting him, but he saw me and came running towards me. It was no use pretending that I had not seen him, so I waved to him. I never enjoy meeting Nigel Dykes. He never has anything to do. No matter how busy you are, he always insists on coming with you. I had to think of a way of preventing him from following me around all morning.
    'Hello, Nigel,' I said. 'Fancy meeting you here!'
    'Hi, Elizabeth,' Nigel answered. 'I was just wondering how to spend the morning -- until I saw you. You're not busy doing anything, are you?'
    'No, not at all,' I answered. 'I'm going to...'
    'Would you mind my coming with you?' he asked, before I had finished speaking.
    'Not at all,' I lied, 'but I'm going to the dentist.'
    'Then I'll come with you,' he answered. 'There's always plenty to read in the waiting room!

Volcanoes

Haroun Tazieff, the Polish scientist, has spent his lifetime studying active volcanoes and deep caves in all parts of the world. In 1948, he went to Lake Kivu in the Congo to observe a new volcano which he later named Kituro. Tazieff was able to set up his camp very close to the volcano while it was erupting violently. Though he managed to take a number of brilliant photographs, he could not stay near the volcano for very long. He noticed that a river of liquid rock was coming towards him. It threatened to surround him completely, but Tazieff managed to escape just in time. He waited until the volcano became quiet and he was able to return two days later. This time, he managed to climb into the mouth of Kituro so that he could take photographs and measure temperatures. Tazieff has often risked his life in this way. He has been able to tell us more about active volcanoes than any man alive.

Sweet as honey!

In 1963 a Lancaster bomber crashed on Wallis Island, a remote place in the South Pacific, a long way west of Samoa. The plane wasn't too badly damaged, but over the years, the crash was forgotten and the wreck remained undisturbed. Then in 1989, twenty-six years after the crash, the plane was accidentally rediscovered in an aerial survey of the island. By this time, a Lancaster bomber in reasonable condition was rare and worth rescuing. The French authorities had the plane packaged and moved in parts back to France. Now a group of enthusiasts are going to have the plane restored. It has four Rolls-Royce Merlin engines, but the group will need to have only three of them rebuilt. Imagine their surprise and delight when they broke open the packing cases and found that the fourth engine was sweet as honey -- still in perfect condition. A colony of bees had turned the engine into a hive and it was totally preserved in beeswax!

Jumbo versus the police

Last Christmas, the circus owner, Jimmy Gates, decided to take some presents to a children's hospital. Dressed up as Father Christmas and accompanied by a 'guard of honour' of six pretty girls, he set off down the main street of the city riding a baby elephant called Jumbo. He should have known that the police would never allow this sort of thing. A policeman approached Jimmy and told him he ought to have gone along a side street as Jumbo was holding up the traffic. Though Jimmy agreed to go at once, Jumbo refused to move. Fifteen policemen had to push very hard to get him off the main street. The police had a difficult time, but they were most amused. 'Jumbo must weigh a few tons,' said a policeman afterwards, 'so it was fortunate that we didn't have to carry him. Of course, we should arrest him, but as he has a good record, we shall let him off this time.'

The Channel Tunnel

In 1858, a French engineer, Aime Thome de Gamond, arrived in England with a plan for a twenty-one-mile tunnel under the English Channel. He said that it would be possible to build a platform in the centre of the Channel. This platform would serve as a port and a railway station. The tunnel would be well-ventilated if tall chimneys were built above sea level. In 1860, a better plan was put forward by an Englishman, William Low. He suggested that a double railway-tunnel should be built. This would solve the problem of ventilation, for if a train entered this tunnel, it would draw in fresh air behind it. Forty-two years later a tunnel was actually begun. If, at the time, the British had not feared invasion, it would have been completed. The world had to wait almost another 100 years for the Channel Tunnel. It was officially opened on March 7,1994, finally connecting Britain to the European continent.

She was not amused

Jeremy Hampden has a large circle of friends and if very popular at parties. Everybody admires him for his great sense of humour -- everybody, that is, except his six-year-old daughter, Jenny. Recently, one of Jeremy's closest friends asked him to make a speech at a wedding reception. This is the sort of thing that Jeremy loves. He prepared the speech carefully and went to the wedding with Jenny. he had included a large number of funny stories in the speech and, of course, it was a great success. As soon as he had finished, Jenny told him she wanted to go home. Jeremy was a little disappointed by this but he did as his daughter asked. On the way home, he asked Jenny if she had enjoyed the speech. To his surprise, she said she hadn't. Jeremy asked her why this was so and she told him that she did not like to see so many people laughing at him!

After the fire

Firemen had been fighting the forest for nearly three weeks before they could get it under control. A short time before, great trees had covered the countryside for miles around. Now, smoke still rose up from the warm ground over the desolate hills. Winter was coming on and the hills threatened the surrounding villages with destruction, for heavy rain would not only wash away the soil but would cause serious floods as well. When the fire had at last been put out, the forest authorities ordered several tons of a special type of grass-seed which would grow quickly. The seed was sprayed over the ground in huge quantities by aeroplanes. The planes had been planting seed for nearly a month when it began to rain. By then, however, in many places the grass had already taken root. In place of the great trees which had been growing there for centuries patches of green had begun to appear in the blackened soil.

Trouble with the Hubble

   The Hubble telescope was launched into space by NASA on April 20,1990 at a cost of over a billion dollars. Right from the start there was trouble with the Hubble. The pictures it sent us were very disappointing because its main mirror was faulty! NASA is now going to put the telescope right, so it will soon be sending up four astronauts to repair it. The shuttle Endeavour will be taking the astronauts to the Hubble. A robot-arm from the Endeavour will grab the telescope and hold it while the astronauts make the necessary repairs. Of course, the Hubble is above the earth's atmosphere, so it will soon be sending us the clearest pictures of the stars and distant galaxies that we have ever seen. The Hubble will tell us a great deal about the age and size of the universe. By the time you read this, the Hubble's eagle eye will have sent us thousands and thousands of wonderful pictures.

The future

At a village fair, I decided to visit a fortune-teller called Madam Bellinsky. I went into her tent and she told me to sit down. After I had given her some money, she looked into a crystal ball and said: 'A relation of yours is coming to see you. She will be arriving this evening and intends to stay for a few days. The moment you leave this tent, you will get a big surprise. A woman you know well will rush towards you. She will speak to you and then she will lead you away from this place. That is all.'
    As soon as I went outside, I forgot all about Madam Bellinsky because my wife hurried towards me. 'Where have you been hiding?' she asked impatiently. 'Your sister will be here in less than an hour and we must be at the station to meet her. We are late already.' As she walked away, I followed her out of the fair.

In or out?

Our dog, Rex, used to sit outside our front gate and dark. Every time he wanted to come into the garden he would bark until someone opened the gate. As the neighbours complained of the noise, my husband spent weeks training him to press his paw on the latch to let himself in. Rex soon became an expert at opening the gate. However, when I was going out shopping last week, I noticed him in the garden near the gate. This time he was barking so that someone would let him out! Since then, he has developed another bad habit. As soon as he opens the gate from the outside, he comes into the garden and waits until the gate shuts. Then he sits and barks until someone lets him out. After this he immediately lets himself in and begins barking again. Yesterday my husband removed the gate and Rex got so annoyed we have not seen him since.

A blessing in disguise?

The tiny village of Frinley is said to possess a 'cursed tree'. Because the tree was mentioned in a newspaper, the number of visitors to Frinley has now increased. The tree was planted near the church fifty years ago, but it is only in recent years that it has gained an evil reputation. It is said that if anyone touches the tree, he will have bad luck; if he picks a leaf, he will die. Many villagers believe that the tree has already claimed a number of victims. The vicar has been asked to have the tree cut down, but so far he has refused. He has pointed out that the tree cut down, but so far he has refused. He has pointed out that the tree is a useful source of income, as tourists have been coming from all parts of the country to see it. In spite of all that has been said, the tourists have been picking leaves and cutting their names on the tree-trunk. So far, not one of them has been struck down by sudden death!

Can I help you, madam?

A woman in jeans stood at the window of an expensive shop. Though she hesitated for a moment, she finally went in and asked to see a dress that was in the window. The assistant who served her did not like the way she was dressed. Glancing at her scornfully, he told her that the dress was sold. The woman walked out of the shop angrily and decided to punish the assistant next day. She returned to the shop the following morning dressed in a fur coat, with a handbag in one hand and a long umbrella in the other. After seeking out the rude assistant, she asked for the same dress. Not realizing who she was, the assistant was eager to serve her this time. With great difficulty, he climbed into the shop window to get the dress. As soon as she saw it, the woman said she did not like it. She enjoyed herself making the assistant bring almost everything in the window before finally buying the dress she had first asked for.

Faster than sound!

Once a year, a race is held for old cars. A lot of cars entered for this race last year and there was a great deal of excitement just before it began. One of the most handsome cars was a Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost. The most unusual car was a Benz which had only three wheels. Built in 1885, it was the oldest car taking part. After a great many loud explosions, the race began. Many of the cars broke down on the course and some drivers spent more time under their cars than in them! A few cars, however, completed the race. The winning car reached a speed of forty miles an hour -- much faster than any of its rivals. It sped downhill at the end of the race and its driver had a lot of trouble trying to stop it. The race gave everyone a great deal of pleasure. It was very different from modern car races but no less exciting.

Not a Gold Mine

Dreams of finding lost treasure almost came true recently. A new machine called 'The Revealer' has been invented and it has been used to detect gold which has been buried in the ground. The machine was used in a cave near the seashore where -- it is said -- pirates used to hide gold. The pirates would often bury gold in the cave and then fail to collect it. Armed with the new machine, a search party went into the cave hoping to find buried treasure. The leader of the party was examining the soil near the entrance to the cave when the machine showed that there was gold under the ground. Very excited, the party dug a hole two feel deep. They finally found a small gold coin which was almost worthless. The party then searched the whole cave thoroughly but did not find anything except an empty tin trunk. In spite of this, many people are confident that 'The Revealer' may reveal something of value fairly soon.

Did You Want to Tell Me Something?

Dentists always ask questions when it is impossible for you to answer. My dentist had just pulled out one of my teeth and had told me to rest for a while. I tried to say something, but my mouth was full of cotton wool. He knew I collected match boxes and asked me whether my collection was growing. He then asked me how my brother was and whether I liked my new job in London. In answer to these questions I either nodded or made strange noises. Meanwhile, my tongue was busy searching out the hole where the tooth had been. I suddenly felt very worried, but could not say anything. When the dentist at last removed the cotton wool from my mouth, I was able to tell him that he had pulled out the wrong tooth.

A Thirsty Ghost

A public house which was recently bought by Mr.Ian Thompson is up for sale. Mr.Thompson is going to sell it because it is haunted. He told me that he could not go to sleep one night because he heard a strange noise coming from the bar. The next morning, he found that the doors had been blocked by chairs and the furniture had been moved. Though Mr.Thompson had turned the lights off before he went to bed, they were on in the morning. He also said that he had found five empty whisky bottles which the ghost must have drunk the night before. When I suggested that some villagers must have come in for a free drink, Mr.Thompson shook his head. The villagers have told him that they will not accept the pub even if he gives it away.

Expensive and Uncomfortable

When a plane from London arrived at Sydney airport, workers began to unload a number of wooden boxes which contained clothing. No one could account for the fact that one of the boxes was extremely heavy. It suddenly occurred to one of the workers to open up the box. He was astonished at what he found. A man was lying in the box on top of a pile of woolen goods. He was so surprised at being discovered that he did not even try to run away. After he was arrested, the man admitted hiding in the box before the plane left London. He had had a long and uncomfortable trip, for he had been confined to the wooden box for over eighteen hours. The man was ordered to pay $3,500 for the cost of the trip. The normal price of a ticket is $2,000!

A Clear Conscience

The whole village soon learnt that a large sum of money had been lost. Sam Benton, the local butcher, had lost his wallet while taking his savings to the post office. Sam was sure that the wallet must have been found by one of the villagers, but it was not returned to him. Three months passed, and then one morning, Sam found his wallet outside his front door. It had been wrapped up in newspaper and it contained half the money he had lost, together with a note which said: 'A thief, yes, but only 50 per cent a thief!' Two months later, some more money was sent to Sam with another note: 'Only 25 per cent a thief now!' In time, all Sam's money was paid back in this way. The last note said: 'I am 100 per cent honest now!'

Through the Forest

  Mrs. Anne Sterling did not think of the risk she was taking when she ran through a forest after two men. They had rushed up to her while she was having a picnic at the edge of a forest with her children and tried to steal her handbag. In the struggle, the strap broke and, with the bag in their possession, both men started running through the trees. Mrs. Sterling got so angry that she ran after them. She was soon out of breath, but she continued to run. When she caught up with them, she saw that they had sat down and were going through the contents of the bag, so she ran straight at them. The men got such a fright that they dropped the bag and ran away. 'The strap needs mending,' said Mrs. Sterling later, 'but they did not steal anything.'

Over the South Pole

In 1929, three years after his flight over the North Pole, the American explorer, R.E. Byrd, successfully flew over the South Pole for the first time. Though, at first, Byrd and his men were able to take a great many photographs of the mountains that lay below, they soon ran into serious trouble. At one point, it seemed certain that their plane would crash. It could only get over the mountains if it rose to 10,000 feet. Byrd at once ordered his men to throw out two heavy food sacks. The plane was then able to rise and it cleared the mountains by 400 feet. Byrd now knew that he would be able to reach the South Pole which was 300 miles away, for there were no more mountains in sight. The aircraft was able to fly over the endless white plains without difficulty.

Not Very Musical

As we had had a long walk through one of the markets of old Delhi, we stopped at a square to have a rest. After a time, we noticed a snake charmer with two large baskets at the other side of the square, so we went to have a look at him. As soon as he saw us, he picked up a long pipe which was covered with coins and opened one of the baskets. When he began to play a tune, we had our first glimpse of the snake. It rose out of the basket and began to follow the movements of the pipe. We were very much surprised when the snake charmer suddenly began to play jazz and modern pop songs. The snake, however, continued to 'dance' slowly. It obviously could not tell the difference between Indian music and jazz!

Do You Call That a Hat?

'Do you call that a hat?' I said to my wife.
    'You needn't be so rude about it,' my wife answered as she looked at herself in the mirror.
    I sat down on one of those modern chairs with holes in it and waited. We had been in the hat shop for half an hour and my wife was still in front of the mirror.
    'We mustn't buy things we don't need,' I remarked suddenly. I regretted saying it almost at once.
    'You needn't have said that,' my wife answered. 'I needn't remind you of that terrible tie you bought yesterday.'
    'I find it beautiful,' I said. 'A man can never have too many ties.'
    'And a woman can't have too many hats,' she answered.
    Ten minutes later we walked out of the shop together. My wife was wearing a hat that looked like a lighthouse!

Food and Talk

Last week at a dinner party, the hostess asked me to sit next to Mrs. Rumbold. Mrs. Rumbold was a large, unsmiling lady in a tight black dress. She did not even look up when I took my seat beside her. Her eyes were fixed on her plate and in a short time, she was busy eating. I tried to make conversation.
    'A new play is coming to "The Globe" soon,' I said. 'Will you be seeing it?'
    'No,' she answered.
    'Will you be spending your holidays abroad this year?' I asked.
    'No,' she answered.
    'Will you be staying in England?' I asked.
    'No,' she answered.
    In despair, I asked her whether she was enjoying her dinner.
    'Young man,' she answered, 'if you ate more and talked less, we would both enjoy our dinner!"

Am I All Right?

While John Gilbert was in hospital, he asked his doctor to tell him whether his operation had been successful, but the doctor refused to do so. The following day, the patient asked for a bedside telephone. When he was alone, he telephoned the hospital exchange and asked for Doctor Millington. When the doctor answered the phone, Mr. Gilbert said he was inquiring about a certain patient, a Mr. John Gilbert. He asked if Mr. Gilbert's operation had been successful and the doctor told him that it had been. He then asked when Mr. Gilbert would be allowed to go home and the doctor told him that he would have to stay in hosptial for another two weeks. Then Dr. Millington asked the caller if he was a relative of the patient. 'No,' the patient answered, 'I am Mr. John Gilbert.'

Everything Except the Weather

    My old friend, Harrison, had lived in the Mediterranean for many years before he returned to England. He had often dreamed of retiring in England and had planned to settle down in the country. He had no sooner returned than he bought a house and went to live there. Almost immediately he began to complain about the weather, for even though it was still summer, it rained continually and it was often bitterly cold. After so many years of sunshine, Harrison got a shock. He acted as if he had never lived in England before. In the end, it was more than he could bear. He had hardly had time to settle down when he sold the house and left the country. The dream he had had for so many years ended there. Harrison had thought of everything except the weather.

The Olympic Games



    The Olympic Games will be held in our country in four years' time. As a great many people will be visiting the country, the government will be building new hotels, an immense stadium, and a new Olympic-standard swimming pool. They will also be building new roads and a special railway line. The Games will be held just outside the capital and the whole area will be called 'Olympic City'. Workers will have completed the new roads by the end of this year. By the end of next year, they will have finished work on the new stadium. The fantastic modern buildings have been designed by Kurt Gunter. Everybody will be watching anxiously as the new buildings go up. We are all very excited and are looking forward to the Olympic Games because they have never been held before in this country.

Across the Channel

Debbie Hart is going to swim across the English Channel tomorrow. She is going to set out from the French coast at five o'clock in the morning. Debbie is only eleven years old and she hopes to set up a new world record. She is a strong swimmer and many people feel that she is sure to succeed. Debbie's father will set out with her in a small boat. Mr. Hart has trained his daughter for years. Tomorrow he will be watching her anxiously as she swims the long distance to England. Debbie intends to take short rests every two hours. She will have something to drink but she will not eat any solid food. Most of Debbie's school friends will be waiting for her on the English coast. Among them will be Debbie's mother, who swam the Channel herself when she was a girl.